Achinoam's Story

From Confusion to Love: A Religious Woman’s Journey to Herself

By Achinoam, 34

"Religious, secular, and building a beautiful family together."

Let me take you through my story—full of love, struggle, and discovery.

Growing Up in a Religious Neighborhood

I grew up in a religious neighborhood, where everyone knows everything about everyone. With the support and mutual help came gossip and curiosity. I was a “good girl”—obedient, giving, always trying to please.

Pull Quote:"I didn’t even know what the word ‘lesbian’ meant."

When all the girls went to see a movie, they admired Bruce Willis—I admired Michelle Pfeiffer. It wasn’t more than admiration for a strong woman. Same with butterflies I felt for a female basketball player on my university team.

First Encounters with Desire

I played basketball from age 16. At 23, a year after joining the university team, I joined Nesher. There, I met the first openly lesbian player I’d ever known. Traveling with her to a tournament, I became fascinated with her life.

Highlighted Box:A close friend immediately understood what I hadn’t yet considered: maybe I was a lesbian.

Three years later, I graduated, continued playing for Nesher, and the same player officially came out to me—introducing her partner. Though I had suspected, it was shocking.

Conflicted Feelings

At the time, “The L Word” was airing, and I felt drawn to that world. I wanted to meet more lesbians—but I wasn’t one. I even changed my phone ringtone to the show’s theme song because it made me feel alive… while still being in a relationship with a man.

Suspecting something was off, I decided to marry him, thinking marriage would silence all the strange voices in my head. Luckily, he didn’t want to marry yet, so I ended the relationship.

Falling in Love

Eventually, I cried with the “lesbian” friend I had traveled with, planning a fun trip together. At a party, she kissed me.

Pull Quote:"I felt amazing. I imagined a Tetris game where every piece fell into place."

But I also felt guilt—betraying myself, my family. How could something so wonderful feel so wrong?

We were together three months. When I told my mother, she said it was the end of the world. My siblings mostly rejected me, except for one brother who said he would always accept me.

After three months, I couldn’t bear it and broke up. I went to therapy. I cried myself to sleep, praying not to wake up.

Returning to Love

Seven months later, we couldn’t stay apart. We reunited. Along the way, I lost some things, but gained much more.

Highlighted Box:"I proposed to Lilach, my one and only, without any immediate wedding plans."

Ten months later, on my 30th birthday, at the Champions League final in Barcelona, she proposed. In May 2012, we had a beautiful wedding, attended by many Bat Kol friends and even my parents. We married officially in New York and now have four amazing children, and recently bought a house with a garden.

Building a Religious-Secular Family

She’s secular, I’m religious—and together, we’re creating a blended, loving family. Our children grow up exposed to both paths, learning that love and kindness matter above all.

Pull Quote:"Even my previously estranged brother is now one of my closest friends."

My older brother also evolved—from total non-acceptance to joining us in bridging his political world with the religious LGBTQ+ community.

Lessons from My Journey

I want to share two important messages:

Highlighted Box:1. Never lose hope with your family. Even if they struggle to accept you, choose yourself because you deserve happiness.

Highlighted Box:2. You can marry and be happy with your first partner. There’s no need to “try multiple times” to succeed in love.